Oprah: the new york times calls gabrielle bernstein a role model for a new generation of spiritual seekers. She once told me she believes her purpose is to help others tune in to their own inner voice. And on her blog, gabby tackles everything from spiritual tips on how to quit sugar to handling negative comments to meditations for preventing a freak-out moment. Gabrielle’s session is called “The universe has your back.” gabrielle bernstein. [ cheers and applause ] new year’s day of 2015, I had a plan. My plan was to get pregnant. I had it down. It was perfect. I was gonna get pregnant right away, in february, I was gonna take the entire nine months to write my book, “The universe has your back,” and I was gonna give birth in the fall, and then have the baby, give birth, submit the book, then take three months off with my baby, and go on a book tour. Perfect plan, right? Perfect plan. The only problem was — I wasn’t getting pregnant. Month after month, I wouldn’t get pregnant, and I’d start counting nine months ahead. I’d start looking at what I had ahead of me. I’d start thinking, “Okay, I’ve got this speaking engagement. I’ve got this contract I’ve got to deal with.” and I started canceling those contracts and canceling those speaking engagements. I started driving my publishers crazy, because I was trying to change the publication date of the book. I was driving my husband crazy, because there’s absolutely nothing sexy about trying to make a baby happen on your timeline. And I’m driving myself crazy, because I’m trying to control something that I absolutely cannot control. But all the while, I’m telling my friends and family members that I’m consciously conceiving. I was consciously controlling every detail. And six months go by, and I’m still not pregnant. At this point, I start to worry. “I’m getting older. My body isn’t working. There’s something wrong with me.” I start to feel this sense of shame, but I’m not gonna talk about it. I’m not telling anybody how I’m feeling. Every time I go on instagram or facebook, I see more bumps and more babies and I feel separate and I feel alone and I begin to compare myself to everyone around me. To make matters worse, I had prematurely announced my pregnancy to my friends and my family members. I even went as far as to get on my stages, publicly, and tell my students that I was planning to conceive. And this got really bad. It got so bad that I was at a book signing, and this young woman grabs my hand and she walks up to me and she asks me to sign her book and she says, “You know, gabby, I’ve been channeling your spirit baby, and she has a message for you.” this really pushed me over the edge. Six more months go by. It’s new year’s eve. I’m at a dinner with all of my college friends, and they all have at least one child, maybe a second on the way. Another couple had adopted a child. And I’m sitting around this dinner table and I’m looking at everybody prepare their kids for dinner and get them ready for bed and I’m feeling like I’m behind. I’m missing out on this stage of life and I’m not feeling good enough. I wake up the next day, new year’s day, a full year later, and I got my period. I spent a year trying to make this thing happen. I spent a year trying to make my body do something that it’s not gonna do. I’m feeling that shame. I’m feeling that inadequacy, that separation. I’m not good enough. I can’t make this happen. Thankfully, I had a friend staying with me, my friend jordan, a very great spiritual running buddy of mine. And jordan looked at me, and he noticed my depression and my sadness. And he looked at me and he said, “Honey, what is wrong with you?” and I said, well, you know, jordan, I couldn’t make it happen. My body isn’t working. I can’t make it happen on my timeline. I tried to change everything around. It wasn’t working. “Honey, stop. This is not how we do things. Ask the universe for help.” it was one of those divine spiritual encounters when I was ready to listen. And I said, “Thank you. Thank you, jordan. I’m ready to hear that. I’m ready to receive that.” and I excused myself and I walked upstairs to my meditation pillow and I sat down in my zen den and I got really grounded. And I asked the universe for help. I went into my meditation and I began to feel my extremities tingle and my arms go numb. And I started to connect to that presence of a higher power of my own understanding, that reliable presence that is so familiar, the presence of love and magnitude that is within me. And I started to connect and get grounded and aligned. And in that alignment, I heard this voice come forward, this voice of my intuition, this voice of my inner wisdom. And that voice said to me, “Your plans are in the way of god’s plans. It’s time to surrender.” at which point, I feel this energy begin to move me and lift me up and bring me to my desk. And I sit down at my desk, and, involuntarily, I place my hands on the keyboard of my computer, and my fingers just start typing. And they’re moving and they’re moving. And, all of a sudden, at the top of the page, the words that were not mine came onto the page — “These are the steps for spiritual surrender.” okay. So, I just let my fingertips continue to go. For 30 minutes, my fingers just glided across that computer screen, and I just let the words come onto the page. And words that were not mine, ideas that were not mine, belief systems, guidance, wisdom that was not mine came onto this page. And within that half-hour period of time, I channeled the five steps for spiritual surrender — the exact steps I needed, the exact messages that I was looking for, the guidance, the wisdom, the connection. I channeled the steps. But now I had to become brave enough to wonder what would happen if I stepped back and let the universe take the lead. We all have to become brave enough to wonder. Every single one of us in this room today is trying to control something. You know what I’m talking about? You all know what it is. Maybe you’re trying to control that ring that you’re trying to get on your finger or maybe you’re trying to control when you’re gonna get that cash in the bank or maybe you’re trying to control the outcome of a physical diagnosis. But all that control and all that manipulation, all that trying to make something happen is creating resistance, resistance from the alignment, resistance from that intuitive voice that is beckoning you all the time, resistance from your connection to a power far greater than yourself, a magnitude that is within you that you have forgot to listen to because you’ve been too busy focused on what you need to get. But it’s in the absence of that resistance that we realign. It’s in the absence of that resistance that we remember the truth of who we are. It’s in the absence of that resistance that we get connected to the universe. And the universe is an ever-present energy of love that is within us and around us and always guiding us. And it’s through these steps of spiritual surrender that we realign, that we reconnect with that magnitude and that presence and we let go of what we think we need and we remember the truth of who we are. So, I have a question for you all. Are you ready to surrender? Great. I am here today to give you these five steps that I have been using over the past year. These steps have grounded me. They’ve realigned me. Thank you for getting your notebooks out, people. Get ready. I have been using these steps to get reconnected, realigned, and rebooted, in a sense. And these are the steps to spiritual surrender so that you can know that the universe has your back, even when things are not working out the way that you expected. You ready? Step 1, step 1. Take your hands off the wheel through prayer. Many of you are praying for that cash or praying for that relationship or praying for that outcome to be exactly as you want it to be and the time that you want it to happen. But the secret to prayer is to forget what you think you need. When we begin to stop praying for what we think we need but, instead, begin to pray for what is of the highest good for all, that’s when we get lit up. That’s when invisible doors begin to open for us. That’s when we align with the truth and the magnitude of the presence of our authentic power. So, take that in. Doesn’t that just feel awesome just to say that? “I want to pray for what is of the highest good for all.” doesn’t that feel awesome? To even think about that thing that you’ve been controlling and holding on to and simply say to yourself, right now, “You know what? I’m just gonna pray for what’s of the highest good for all.” takes the pressure off, right? Yeah. The second step is to start to focus on what’s thriving. We focus so much on what’s not working. We so focus on the absence of something. Why don’t we focus on what’s already thriving in our lives? When I started to take the focus off of this baby that I thought I needed to manifest in this exact amount of time and started focusing on the beauty in my marriage, focusing on my physical well-being, focusing on this spiritual journey that I needed to go on, I began to uncover things about myself I didn’t even know. And I started to let myself off the hook and realign and get connected. And I started to feel that pressure of needing that thing just dissipate. So, when you begin to take your focus off of that thing you need and start to focus on what is already thriving — let me just say something to you all — you are thriving ’cause you are at supersoul sessions today, okay? [ cheers and applause ] you are thriving right now. You were playing the drums this morning with oprah, okay? You are good. [ laughter ] let’s focus on that. The third step — obstacles are detours in the right direction. So, what I realized was that this obstacle of not getting pregnant right away was actually a detour in the right direction. It was a detour towards my spiritual connection. It was a detour towards hitting another bottom in my life so that I could have another awakening. Rumi says that, “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” -whoo! -in that wound, I was awakened and I was given these steps that I was blessed with and this journey of developing my spiritual condition in a way that I needed to really badly. And that obstacle of not getting pregnant was exactly as it needed to be. My baby was up there going, “Mnh-mnh. Not now.” we had a plan, and I needed to go through this journey. So, maybe you can begin to look at your obstacles of maybe that divorce is an opportunity, a detour in the right direction, an opportunity to start to love yourself some more. Maybe that loss of that job is an opportunity to begin to do that thing you’ve been dreaming of. Maybe that diagnosis is an opportunity to get closer to god. Take that in. Let’s reorganize your obstacles right now. What are the opportunities? What is the detour in the right direction? In what way can you begin to turn it upside down and see it as an opportunity to thrive and an opportunity to get more connected to the truth? The fourth step — ask for a sign. We are always in communication with the universe. The universe is always giving us messages. It’s just that we’re not listening. But when we ask, we will always receive. It’s the law — we will receive. So asking for a sign that you’re in the right direction, that you’re on the right path — just last month, I had to ask for a sign. I took 2016 off from trying to make a baby. I was just needing that break. I wanted to get back into my alignment with my truth. And then, last month, I decided, “It’s time. Let’s make a baby.” so, I was getting into it and I was getting ready and I saw myself, like clockwork, go right back to that old story, right back into, “My next book’s coming out at this time” and “What’s going on with my calendar?” and “Can my team handle this?” and “Is everybody on board with my idea and my vision?” but, thankfully, I had been spending a year in my five steps to spiritual surrender, so I had a little bit more information and I was able to stop myself in my tracks. So I stopped myself and I just said, “Thank you, universe, for showing me a sign that I am in the right direction.” later that day, I’m looking out the window of my office and I see these five fat wild turkeys just hanging out outside my office. They’re just chillin’ outside my office. And I’m just in awe of these wild turkeys. They’re so beautiful. I sat there for like a half an hour just staring at them. Two hours later, I’m in my meditation and I’m just doing my thing in my meditation and I hear my intuition say, “Google the spiritual meaning of turkeys.” [ laughter ] okay. So, I come out of my meditation, I go to my computer, and I type in, “What is the spiritual meaning of turkeys?” the spiritual meaning of turkeys… Is fertility. [ crowd gasps ] [ applause ] that was the exact message that I needed to hear. And when we allow ourselves to get into the wonder and the magnificence of the guidance that is around us and within us — that’s when we truly start living. The universe, once again, was guiding me. So ask for a sign, and you will receive. It is your job to listen, people, ’cause you-all may be asking for your signs and you may be getting your messages, but you’re not listening. So ask and listen. Give yourself a chance to truly listen and take that spiritually aligned action from that place of that wisdom. And the final step, the fifth step is — when you think you’ve surrendered, surrender more. My favorite line from “A course in miracles” is, “Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait and wait without anxiety.” that presence of certainty is available to all of us when we get aligned, when we truly surrender, when we ask and listen and let the universe show us where to go and what to do. Let’s say a prayer. Let’s offer it up. Let’s surrender some more. Are you willing to pray with me? Okay, so, let’s uncross our legs. Place your palms facing upward. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath in. And release. We call on the guidance of the highest truth and compassion to enter into this space today. Thank you, universe, for taking from us what we are now willing to give away. Think of that thing you have been holding on to, that situation, that area of your life that you are willing to offer up. And we pray. Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say and to whom? Thank you, universe, for taking this, reorganizing this, and showing us where to go. Take a deep breath in. And release. And when you’re ready, open your eyes. This is my daily prayer. Where would you have me go? What would you have me do? What would you have me say and to whom? This beautiful message from “A course in miracles.” take that home with you. Use that prayer, offer it up, surrender it fully and completely. As it turns out, the universe had a plan far greater than I did. The plan wasn’t that I was going to get pregnant in the exact moment in time that I expected. The plan was that I was going to learn how to mother myself before I could be a mother. We are living in times where it is required of us to have a spiritual foundation, an anchor, a sense of alignment. If we don’t have that foundation, we will be flailing. We need that connection now, and it is through the steps steps of spiritual surrender that you realign with that connection to the universe, to a higher power of your own understanding. We need it to survive and to thrive. And these are the messages that I will leave my child. When my child is ready to come, I will bestow upon her that her true power lies in her connection to the universe. And in that connection, when she surrenders to that connection, she can know that she will be certain, no matter what, that, in the midst of uncertainty, she can find safety and that in that connection and in that alignment, she can always know that the universe has her back. Thank you. [ cheers and applause ] [ smooches ]