Learn how to work together and create lasting relationships with insight from marriage research.
Kevin Hale, from Y Combinator, discusses how to work together in a startup and how to optimize relationships that can last 10 years. Through marriage research, he highlights that successfully married people still fight but they do so constructively. Hale outlines four major things to avoid when fighting such as criticism, contempt, not owning responsibility, and stonewalling. He then outlines two methods for avoiding these issues: divide and conquer and knowing yourself. Finally, he explains that the CEO or board should have the final say on resolving any issues.
Learning Outline
1. Understand the four horsemen of relationships: Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness, and Stonewalling.
2. Divide and conquer tasks and responsibilities early on in the relationship.
3. Determine success and failure ahead of time.
4. Know yourself and your attachment style.
5. The CEO or Board typically has the final say in resolving a conflict.
6. Understand how to fight about the same topics (Money, Kids, Sex, Time, Jealousy, In-laws).
7. Discuss hopes and dreams as a way to predict relationship longevity.
Instructional Content
The ability to work together effectively is a key element to any successful endeavor, whether it be in a romantic relationship or in a business setting. In this video, Kevin Hale delves into the research of John Gottman, who studied successful marriages to gain insight into what makes relationships last. Through his research, Gottman determined that couples typically fight about the same issues, such as money, sex, and in-laws, and that successful relationships are characterized by a certain set of behaviors.
Gottman identified four major behaviors to avoid when engaging in a disagreement, such as criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. With this knowledge, companies can create a plan for how to handle disagreements as they arise and how to manage the relationship going forward. This includes assigning responsibility and accountability to certain issues, determining a threshold for when to intervene, and understanding how different people approach relationships and how best to work with them.
By understanding the research of Gottman and the behaviors to avoid, companies can create a plan to maintain a successful working relationship. This video provides valuable insight into how to work together and the importance of creating a plan before disagreements arise. Through this knowledge, companies can create a foundation for a successful and lasting relationship.
Communication
In order to improve Communication in learners, it is important to consider the specific details related in each scenario. This includes the video, Kevin Hale – How to Work Together, and its transcript. In this video, Hale discusses the importance of understanding and managing professional relationships, team building, and conflict resolution.
When it comes to professional relationships, Hale emphasizes the need to have a plan to address potential issues. This includes dividing and conquering tasks to ensure responsibility, determining success and failure metrics, and setting triggers for hard conversations. Additionally, it is important to be aware of one’s own attachment style in order to avoid stonewalling.
Team building is also an essential part of effective communication. This includes understanding each team member's strengths and weaknesses, fostering collaboration and trust, and setting clear expectations for each team member. Additionally, it is important to set goals that are achievable and to use a variety of tools and techniques to ensure that everyone is on the same page.
Finally, it is essential to understand how to effectively resolve conflicts. This includes taking the time to listen to all points of view, avoiding criticism and contempt, and finding common ground in order to move the conversation forward. Additionally, it is important to use effective communication techniques, such as active listening and asking open questions, in order to understand the root of the conflict.
In order to effectively improve Communication in learners, it is essential to incorporate the specific details related in each scenario. This includes professional relationships, team building, and conflict resolution. By taking the time to understand and manage each of these elements, learners can gain the skills they need to become successful communicators.
Professional Relationships
In today’s competitive professional landscape, upskilling yourself to develop relationships is essential to personal growth and professional development. According to John Gottman, a marriage researcher, couples that successfully manage their relationship and last for 10+ years engage in a specific set of behaviors. He found that couples that fight about the same topics—money, kids, sex, time, jealousy, and the in-laws—are more likely to stay together. These same topics can be applied to professional relationships in a startup setting.
Criticism, contempt, not owning responsibility, and stonewalling are all behaviors that can lead to poor professional relationships. Criticism is speaking negatively about someone’s character, instead of addressing the problem at hand. Contempt is an intentional insult. Not owning responsibility is when one person does not accept ownership for the problem. Stonewalling is when one person avoids confronting the problem.
To be successful in a long-term professional relationship, divide and conquer is one strategy to consider. Assign responsibilities to specific people in the team and define what is considered success and failure in their role. This will help avoid defensiveness and minimize interference. Knowing your attachment style is also beneficial to managing relationships. It will help you recognize what behaviors you may need to avoid in order to have a successful relationship.
Upskilling yourself to develop relationships is essential to personal growth and professional development. With knowledge of the four horseman of relationships and strategies such as divide and conquer and knowing your attachment style, you can build relationships that will last for years.
Team Building
Personal and professional growth go hand in hand, and upskilling yourself is a great way to grow in both areas. Taking the time and making the effort to learn new skills can be a great investment in your future. A great example of upskilling yourself can be found in the video by Kevin Hale, “How to Work Together.” In the video, Hale references a study by John Gottman on marriages in Seattle that showed that couples who fight about the same topics (e.g. money, kids, sex, time, jealousy, and the in-laws) can predict with 85-94% accuracy whether they will be divorced 4 years later. This same research can be applied to startups and teams in the workplace. Hale also references four “horsemen” of fighting that can be avoided to make relationships last: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Knowing yourself and understanding your attachment style is key in avoiding stonewalling.
Upskilling yourself in the art of team building and working together can be incredibly beneficial in all aspects of your life. By learning how to avoid the “horsemen” of fighting, dividing tasks, and knowing yourself, you’ll be able to foster healthy and long-lasting relationships with others, both inside and outside of the workplace. Investing your time and effort in upskilling yourself in team building will ensure that you and those around you are successful in your personal and professional development.
Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution is an invaluable skill for any professional development or personal growth journey. It is essential to be able to work well with others, both in our personal lives and in the workplace. The video Kevin Hale - How to Work Together offers great insight into this important subject.
One major point from the video is the importance of understanding the types of arguments we may have with our co-founders and colleagues, as well as the four major things to avoid when arguing. John Gottman, a marriage researcher, has been able to predict with 85% accuracy whether a couple will be divorced or not four years in the future. His research suggests that it’s not that successfully married people never fight, but rather, they know how to fight in a productive and healthy way.
It is important to know ourselves and our attachment styles when resolving conflicts. This will help protect us from stonewalling, which is when someone refuses to engage in a conversation. There are three major attachment styles: secure, anxious, and avoidant. Knowing which attachment style we are can help us to better understand our reactions and responses in conflict.
Divide and conquer is another key point from the video. This involves assigning tasks and responsibilities to different positions and heads in the early stages of a start-up. It is also important to determine success and failure criteria, as well as when to interfere if something needs to be addressed. Ultimately, the CEO should have the final say.
Conflict resolution is an important skill that can be applied to both our personal and professional lives. By following the advice in the video, we can better equip ourselves to handle the inevitable conflicts that come up in our lives. This will enable us to better manage our relationships and become more successful in our personal growth and professional development.
For Learners
Watching the video Kevin Hale - How to Work Together can benefit a life long learner in many ways. Not only will watching this video provide a learner with valuable life lessons, but it will also give them the knowledge and skills needed to work together successfully with their co-founders, peers, and other important people in their life.
The positive benefit to watch this video is that it will offer the learner a valuable insight on how to work together effectively with others. It will also give them the skills needed to address difficult conversations, divide and conquer tasks, and understand their own attachment style. This knowledge will be essential in forming positive and lasting relationships with their co-founders and peers.
The negative detriment of not learning the content of this video is that the learner will lack the tools and knowledge needed to work together successfully in the future. Without these tools, the learner may not be able to form strong relationships with their co-founders, peers, and other important people in their life. This could lead to misunderstandings and disagreements, which could lead to a breakdown in the team.
Using the ‘what’s in it for me’, ‘what’s in it for them’, ‘what’s in it for us’, and ‘what’s in it for the world’ approach to learning the content of this video will benefit a learner for personal growth and professional development. For the learner, they will gain valuable knowledge on how to work together effectively with others. It will also give them the necessary tools to form strong relationships with their co-founders, peers, and other important people in their life. For the co-founders, peers, and other important people, they will be able to benefit from the learner’s new knowledge and skills, which will create a more successful and productive working environment. For us, the learner and their co-founders, peers, and other important people will benefit from having a strong and successful working relationship. Finally, for the world, the learner and their co-founders, peers, and other important people will be able to create amazing things together, which will make the world a better place.
For Employers
In this video, Kevin Hale discusses the importance of understanding the principles of successful relationships in order to foster a healthy and long-lasting relationship between co-founders of a startup or between employers and employees. Employers would benefit from learning the content of this video because it provides them with strategies to optimize the relationships within their team, increase trust, and build a stronger connection with their customers and clients.
By learning the principles in this video, employers can differentiate themselves from a computer by understanding the importance of interpersonal relationships and the impact it has on their business. Employers can use the power of the ‘what’s in it for the present, the past, and the future’ approach to explain why their team should learn the concepts in this video. Employers can explain to their team members that by understanding the principles of successful relationships, it will help to strengthen the bond between team members, build trust, and foster a healthier and more productive working environment.
By using this video to educate their team, employers can help to improve their customer service and build a more successful business. Customers and clients who understand that the team understands the principles of successful relationships will be more likely to build a trusting relationship, resulting in higher customer satisfaction and loyalty.
Ultimately, employers will benefit from learning the content of this video by fostering healthier, long-lasting relationships between team members, customers, and clients. This will result in a more successful business in the present, past, and future.
Career Path
Completing a course in Communication based on these competencies: Professional Relationships, Team Building, and Conflict Resolution can help bridge the Skills Gap and provide life long learners the necessary skills to become more employable, promotable, and purposeful. By watching the video “How to Work Together” and reading the transcript, learners will gain the necessary skills to become more competitive in the job market.
By watching “How to Work Together” and reading the transcript, learners will learn how to maintain successful relationships with their colleagues, peers, and employers. Learners will gain the skills to build successful and effective teams, as well as how to manage conflict and disagreements. These skills are essential for working in high demand and high growth industries.
Moreover, by understanding the four horsemen of relationships (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) and learning how to divide and conquer tasks, learners will have the tools needed to develop strong and successful relationships. By knowing these skills, learners will have the confidence to apply for jobs and promotions.
Finally, by understanding the key components of successful relationships and how to build and maintain effective teams, learners will be well prepared to enter the job market, stand out to potential employers, and gain the career-defining credentials needed to become more employable, promotable, and purposeful.
Meaning
"The only lasting thing is that which is built on trust." - Mahatma Gandhi
This quote, attributed to Mahatma Gandhi, is a perfect summation of the message of the video. The video focuses on the importance of developing a relationship with your business partners that can last for a long period of time. This is only possible if both parties trust each other and are willing to work together for the betterment of the business. Without trust, any relationship will eventually break down.
This is an important lesson for both employers and learners. Employers must understand the importance of trust in the workplace and create an environment where employees feel comfortable and respected. Learners should also recognize the importance of trust and work to build relationships with their colleagues that are based on mutual trust and respect. This will help ensure that the relationships will last for the long-term.
Takeaway
The most important takeaway from this video is that having a plan for dealing with disagreements is essential for long-term success in a business relationship or marriage. Knowing the common topics of conflict, avoiding criticism, contempt and defensiveness, and having a plan for when to intervene can help create a lasting bond.
128 Creds - Communication
