21 Creds - Leadership

When I went to my first coach Mona
at the ripe age of 24, and I said, “I want to be a coach.” Because I was a personal trainer. And people were telling me, you know,
“You should be a coach or a counselor “or something like that.” Or maybe I was, I lose track. Somewhere in my 20s. She said, “Are you sure?” And I said, “Yes, like
you get to help people “and it’s so exciting.” And then she’s like,
“But your life will become your laboratory. “You will not be able to bypass anything. “You won’t be able to suppress anything. “You won’t be able not to notice anything. “Your life will be full of lessons.” And I said, “Well, that
doesn’t sound so great.” And she said,
“But it actually is because you will evolve quicker.” How many of you, since you
decided to become a coach has your own evolution sped up? Right, and at times, has
it been more intense? Like you really understand that phrase,
ignorance is bliss. I often say ignorance is
bliss, awareness is a bitch. Right? And then, and then, you
get all this awareness but things aren’t changing yet. Anybody in that phase at all, like? And then, imposter syndrome comes. Because you’re like,
“Wait a second, I’m not walking on water. “I’m not there, I don’t
have it all figured out. “How can I be a coach?” Anybody go through that? Okay. So what I’d love to do
is share with you really what has made me successful as a coach. Both internally, because I think there’s
the outward success. There’s the money, there’s the following. There’s all of that. But then I really feel
successful as a coach ’cause I haven’t burnt out. I started coaching people in 2004
and I still have private clients. And one thing that hurts
my heart a little bit about the coaching industry
is everybody tries to move out of the private client world. Right into the projects,
the products and the groups and the online. And all that’s great and I do that too,
but that’s like a musician who never goes back
with a guitar and plays acoustic at a small bar. So I hope as coaches, part
of what you do to stay in integrity is you
always work one-on-one. And part of what you also
do to stay in integrity is you always have a coach. So as I share with you
the things that have made me feel successful internally
and then how that’s been mirrored in the external world. And then I want to bring
one, maybe two people up and coach live,
because the best way to learn is through experience. So if you’re somebody that
would like some coaching, it doesn’t have to be on your business. It can be on something personal
in your life right now. And you want to be of
service to the entire group and receive so much love and support. Not just from me, but everybody here,
start sending me that intention telepathically. So I know who to call on, okay? So first thing, I already alluded to it. First thing that I have, I
feel makes anyone successful as a coach is being your own best client. So that means having a coach,
not just a business coach but a personal, I still have a coach. I will always have a coach
because I think we are out of integrity as coaches
if we don’t have a coach. You’d never be a personal
trainer and never work out. So if you want to beat imposter syndrome,
that’s the best way to do it. If you’re ever feeling,
“Who am I to, who am I to, who am I to?” All you need to do is ask yourself,
“Am I a client of what I’m selling?” Because walking the talk
doesn’t mean having it all figured out. Walking the talk means
you’re just embodying the principles and practices
that you’re quote unquote, selling to people. And I’m not afraid of the word selling. That word used to scare me. I’m not afraid of that anymore,
because really it’s an invitation, it’s enrollment. And what you are quote, unquote
selling to people is transformational, not transactional. And if I had a whole other hour with you
I’d give you a whole speech on selling enrollment. And we’ll see if we get
into any of it today. So it’s being your own best client. It’s having a coach. And here’s how you also
beat imposter syndrome. You coach yourself. Here’s my favorite thing to do. Set up two chairs just
right across from each other like this. Coach Christine sits here. Ask myself, “What’s up?” Human client Christine sits here. And I literally go back and forth
between chairs and coach myself. Coach over here, me over here. Because you all are brilliant. You all are brilliant at coaching others,
but sometimes you kind of suck at coaching yourself. And the only reason you
suck at coaching yourself is because you start judging yourself. That’s it. And comparing yourself to coaches
that have been coaching 20 years. So whenever you get into that, instead of,
because a lot of the coaching on getting out of imposter syndrome
is connect to your why. And it’s all about service
and you’ve got to change the world, but that self-doubt needs proof. So how you give yourself proof,
you set up two chairs and you just, you experience how you
create transformation within yourself. Because when you do
that on a regular basis the imposter syndrome goes away
and the integrity floods in. So is everyone willing
to do that as a tool? And don’t do it in your head. It’s very different. And don’t do it in a journal. I mean, I’m not saying
don’t coach yourself in your head and never write,
but this process right here is way more impactful. And guess what? That’s a tool you can also
facilitate for your clients. You can set up two chairs with them
have them coach themselves. You can set up two chairs
and have them sit in one chair, their mother or whoever they’re having
a difficult relationship sit in the other and have them play both parts. So that’s it. Number one, be your own best client. Second thing, stop
talking and listen more. As coaches, we want to do a good job. We so want to do a good job. We want to serve our clients. And often we think the best way to do this
is to give them the answers. To have this great advice,
to drop this great wisdom and that’s useful. And they may say, “Oh, that’s
great, thank you so much.” But then we’re making it more
about us and less about them. As a coach, I really
consider myself a detective. I’m a detective and I’m a guide. And it’s my job to one, create
a space where they feel safe. Because that’s the most powerful thing
we’re doing as coaches is to create a space where
someone feels seen and heard. Our deepest wounds come from
not feeling seen and heard. So please do not underestimate the power
of just holding space for someone else and giving them that permission. It’s one of the most
powerful things we do. It’s not what you say. It’s your way of being with your clients. And that can be over the phone
that can be face to face, that can be over Skype, it doesn’t matter. But to really hold that
space for another person we can’t be in our head thinking,
“Ooh, what NLP tool can I use right now? “Where do I say this?” Or, “Dah, dah, dah.” We have to be fully
present with our clients. And this is something that develops
over years as you coach more and more people. And I encourage you, coach, coach, coach. The best way to get better
as a coach is to coach and to coach and to coach and to coach. That’s how you get better. And really trust that the more you listen
and the more you’re present and the more you’re
with that other person, not the right thing to say,
but that thing that’s for the highest good to say
will come through. And often the thing that’s
for the highest good to say is a question. Often the thing that is for
the highest good to say is, “What else? “Tell me more. “You don’t know? “Well, if you did know,
what do you think?” Not going off into some
educational rant with them. Now, of course, as coaches
we guide, of course, we teach, but we want to make sure
we’re guiding and teaching that which is for the highest good. So never make assumptions
about what your client is telling you. I ask, I have a podcast where
I coach people live on the air. A funny story about that,
that I want to weave in. I’ll see if I can do it next. And you’ll hear me when people say,
“I want to feel confident.” Or, “I want.” I’m like, “What does
confidence mean to you?” Make no assumptions with your clients. And don’t be afraid to go slow with them,
to have them paint you a picture. When they say words, what do they mean? When they say, “I want this,
I want a relationship.” “Okay, describe a relationship to me. “What does that look like? “And what would it do
for you if you had it?” You have so much information as a coach,
but when you’re working with your clients, you’re a detective,
you’re getting into their model of the world. And the more you can get
into their model of the world the more you can bring them
the tools that they need. Because that’s the other thing as coaches,
we’re not there to fish for them. It’s my job with all my
clients to graduate my clients. I want them to embody the tools
and experience the transformation. And it’s so much better when
a client has the aha moment versus you telling them the aha moment. Because then it lands for them. Then it lands for them. The other thing that has
inspired my success is I haven’t given two shits,
I don’t have a logo. I don’t have a color palette. I don’t have a tagline. I don’t have a strategy. None of those things. Do you know what my brand has been? Whatever is up for me in the
moment, that’s what I teach. Like, whatever I’ve just walked through,
that’s what I teach. My brand started as
the quarter-life crisis and the 20-something journey. And it moved on from there. And then when I got divorced,
I talked more about relationships. And when I was building my career,
it was about entrepreneurism. It was just about what I was
going through at the time. And I know I have an ideal client avatar. And I think in a way, I don’t
like to use the word should, but it’s important. And here’s the easiest way I think
to do your ideal client avatar. Your ideal client avatar
is you in the past. That’s it. And here’s the thing,
me in the past could be a 65-year-old man, because it’s more about
the psychological profile of your client than where
they live, their gender, how much money they make. My, usually my ideal client avatars are
people that are hard on themselves, high achievers, they’ve dealt
with an expectation hangover, something didn’t go according
to plan, they want to grow. They want to change. They want to dive deep
into personal growth and they’re looking for a guide. And they want someone
relatable and aspirational. Simple. So when you think about,
“Who is my client?” Ask yourself, “Where was I five years ago? “Where was I 10 years ago? “Where was I a year ago? “Where was I six months ago? “Where am I right now?” And when you speak to that,
that’s the magic of resonance. And that’s the magic of
the law of attraction. And that’s the magic of
being able to bring clients to you without having to do
Facebook ads and funnels. All those things are important. Hasn’t been my strategy. So in a conference like this
I think it’s important to hear all the advice and go,
“What works for me, like what feels good to me?” ‘Cause there are so many ways to grow. And you’re gonna find your own unique way.

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